Should You Just Give Up?

Around fifteen years ago, an old college friend of mine had a close call in the mountains. He and a companion were on a ski trip when they decided to hike away from the top of the chairlift to find a cool, unofficial ski run they’d heard about. They seemed to be heading in the right direction, but soon got lost; when they tried turning back, they grew only more disoriented. They ended up wandering for hours in the snowy woods. They had their cell phones, and considered calling for help, but my friend had heard that a rescue might cost thousands of dollars, and hesitated; meanwhile, morning gave way to afternoon, and then late afternoon. Eventually, they looked at their phones, only to find that both had stopped working. They were in serious trouble—in fact, they were on the verge of catastrophe. Then my friend smelled a sweetness in the air. His companion smelled it, too. They followed the scent through the trees. It took them directly to a little shack, near the top of the chairlift, that specialized in waffles. When should you give up? You certainly don’t want to give up too soon on finding your way out of the woods, and call the ski patrol unnecessarily. Similarly, you don’t want to give up on your dreams before they’re realized, or on your relationships because they’re sometimes troublesome; you want to be a reliable, determined, heroic individual—someone with grit, who follows through. But also, persevering can be a grave mistake: sometimes, either actually or metaphorically, you need to admit that you’re lost and call for rescue. How much effort is enough? And when does continued effort become unwise? In “ Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts ,” Oliver Burkeman, a journalist turned self-help writer, argues that we ought to give up a little more often, and more pervasively. Burkeman focusses not on risky alpine adventures but on ordinary life. Many people, he argues, refuse to give up: they are perfectionists who strive ceaselessly to get control of […]

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